29 October 2011
Saturday
and off work so time for gabbing on here. Tomorrow is statusless in advance due
to a fancy dress party tonight and the certainty of feeling unwell. But have a
good story for Monday. See you then xx
------------------------------------------------------------------
2
November 2011
Very
busy day Concierging (That’s a job with a French name) yesterday so was
statusless.
Today though I have to mention the fancy dress party we went to on Saturday at Andrew and Lynn’s. They did an absolutely fantastic job, aided by Paige and probably hindered by Jay. The house was converted from top to bottom into a haunted house and everything right down to the cupcakes had a Halloween theme.
Everyone attending had put a lot of effort into their costumes and we had everything from pirates to a flock of vampires and I can honestly say it was one of the best parties I’ve been to in a long time so well done guys
Anyhow I have noted a few rather unflattering pics of me attending this function floating about on Facebook so thought I had better explain myself.
I had planned to go as a ‘Biker Chick’ but the useless twats at Elliots hadn’t got my costume in on time so Al kindly made one up for me. I began to feel a bit strange though almost as soon as I started to get ready.
It began when Al was applying my makeup and I was watching a bit of footie on the TV. All of a sudden I realized I couldn’t understand the offside rule anymore and was becoming more and more interested in the players legs than their skill with the ball.
I didn’t think much of it but then when I was putting on the skirt she had got me all I could think about was whether my ass looked big in it or not. I must have tried on ten different thongs before I was happy with the way it captured my bits and I found myself wishing I had had my bikini line done prior to the party.
It also took me much longer than usual to get ready and Al, for the first time ever, was ready first I was definitely feeling weird but we left for the party with Al driving and me in the passenger seat telling her what she was doing wrong.
When we got there we went in to be greeted by a fine bunch of costumed guests. Normally I would look around and eye up the ladies in a predatory manner but instead I found myself thinking how so and so’s hair was all wrong or she doesn’t suit that colour or God she’s put on weight.
So anyhow settled down for a night of fun and frolics with a nice pink gin. Then I found that every time I got in conversation with a group and someone left I instantly started bitching about them. What was happening to me?
I remember wandering over to one group of guys who were chatting about Greece and the Euro crisis and thinking “Where’s Greece? What’s a Euro? Why can’t we talk about shoes?”. I actually suggested the latter and they all laughed at me so I cried and they all caved in and agreed to talk about shoes like I’d asked. Weird.
So the night progressed and by chance I won the prize for best costume which turned out to be a pair of ‘Granny knickers’. I pretended to be pleased but I didn’t feel they accentuated my curves very well and made a mental note to get my own back on that bitch Lynn.
The night went on and the craic was good and I recall promising to go on holiday with at least five people who I felt were now without doubt my new best friends. I also remember telling Al that I didn’t want anything for Xmas just being with her was enough but thinking that if she actually didn’t get me anything I'd cut her tits off.
It was almost 5am when we finally went to bed and Al was feeling a bit frisky. I wasn’t really interested, all I really wanted was a cuddle but I just lay back and thought about getting a manicure and faked it. She didn’t seem to notice.
For a while though I couldn’t get to sleep and I lay thinking about the night before. I'd:
Today though I have to mention the fancy dress party we went to on Saturday at Andrew and Lynn’s. They did an absolutely fantastic job, aided by Paige and probably hindered by Jay. The house was converted from top to bottom into a haunted house and everything right down to the cupcakes had a Halloween theme.
Everyone attending had put a lot of effort into their costumes and we had everything from pirates to a flock of vampires and I can honestly say it was one of the best parties I’ve been to in a long time so well done guys
Anyhow I have noted a few rather unflattering pics of me attending this function floating about on Facebook so thought I had better explain myself.
I had planned to go as a ‘Biker Chick’ but the useless twats at Elliots hadn’t got my costume in on time so Al kindly made one up for me. I began to feel a bit strange though almost as soon as I started to get ready.
It began when Al was applying my makeup and I was watching a bit of footie on the TV. All of a sudden I realized I couldn’t understand the offside rule anymore and was becoming more and more interested in the players legs than their skill with the ball.
I didn’t think much of it but then when I was putting on the skirt she had got me all I could think about was whether my ass looked big in it or not. I must have tried on ten different thongs before I was happy with the way it captured my bits and I found myself wishing I had had my bikini line done prior to the party.
It also took me much longer than usual to get ready and Al, for the first time ever, was ready first I was definitely feeling weird but we left for the party with Al driving and me in the passenger seat telling her what she was doing wrong.
When we got there we went in to be greeted by a fine bunch of costumed guests. Normally I would look around and eye up the ladies in a predatory manner but instead I found myself thinking how so and so’s hair was all wrong or she doesn’t suit that colour or God she’s put on weight.
So anyhow settled down for a night of fun and frolics with a nice pink gin. Then I found that every time I got in conversation with a group and someone left I instantly started bitching about them. What was happening to me?
I remember wandering over to one group of guys who were chatting about Greece and the Euro crisis and thinking “Where’s Greece? What’s a Euro? Why can’t we talk about shoes?”. I actually suggested the latter and they all laughed at me so I cried and they all caved in and agreed to talk about shoes like I’d asked. Weird.
So the night progressed and by chance I won the prize for best costume which turned out to be a pair of ‘Granny knickers’. I pretended to be pleased but I didn’t feel they accentuated my curves very well and made a mental note to get my own back on that bitch Lynn.
The night went on and the craic was good and I recall promising to go on holiday with at least five people who I felt were now without doubt my new best friends. I also remember telling Al that I didn’t want anything for Xmas just being with her was enough but thinking that if she actually didn’t get me anything I'd cut her tits off.
It was almost 5am when we finally went to bed and Al was feeling a bit frisky. I wasn’t really interested, all I really wanted was a cuddle but I just lay back and thought about getting a manicure and faked it. She didn’t seem to notice.
For a while though I couldn’t get to sleep and I lay thinking about the night before. I'd:
- Forgotten the rules of football
- Eyed up men’s legs
- Obsessed over the size of my ass
- Worried about my bikini line
- Taken hours to get ready
- Criticized Al’s driving
- Not flirted with the ladies
- Bitched about their appearance
- Lost the ability to have an intelligent conversation
- Cried when I didn't get my way
- Plotted revenge over nothing
- Made promises I had no intention of keeping
- Made statements that others had to work out weren't true or pay the price
- Lost my libido
- Faked an orgasm
What was wrong with me? Was I mad? Was I stupid? Had my IQ dropped into single figures? Was I senile? ……………………………………
Then it struck me. It was none of the above. …………..I had become a WOMAN!!!!!
.
.
.
.
Don’t worry though. When I woke in the morning the first thing I did was fart and scratch my balls so all was well and I’d slept it off. Phew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
