13 February 2012
SPAIN…………………
THE FINAL DAY - THE SPANISH ZOO
We woke on Monday, after a refreshing nights sleep, ready for our last day in a sub zero Spain. We had refused to let the cold get to us and the plans for the day involved a trip to the shops (What kind of holiday would it be if Alena didn’t get shopping?) and then a trip to Alicante zoo/Safari park or whatever.
The shopping was less than memorable, at least for me, and we returned to the house to collect our bits and pieces as we were going straight to the airport after our tour of the animal Park.
We followed Charleen in our car, desperately trying to use up some fuel and, with Robyn on the Sat Nav, we took a rather elongated route which pleased me as it clocked up a few extra miles.
We arrived to an empty car park and approached the ticket desk with a young lady sitting inside. She looked around in a “Who’s next?” sort of way and, after checking over our shoulders to ensure that we were, indeed, the only people there, we suggested that would probably be us. She took a quite unbelievable amount of time, even for a Spaniard, to issue our tickets and explain when all the shows etc would be on. We could only thank God that there weren’t three people in the queue in front of us or we would not have gained entry before closing time!
Just around the corner from the ticket desk was a second girl who was watching the proceedings and, when we eventually approached her, she put her hand up to stop us in case we were trying to sneak in with the nonexistent crowd. She then waved us forward to take our turn in her nonexistent queue. She lined us up to take a family photo; constantly checking around her to be sure she didn’t miss any of the nonexistent people coming in behind us!
We were eventually allowed to proceed and, bag of peanuts in hand, off we went. Now to be fair, it wasn’t a bad zoo. Quite touchy feely and you could get up close to a lot of the animals and, if they were in the mood to let you, give them a stroke. The lions and tigers were cool and the chimp had the biggest reddest ass I have ever seen and soon we came upon the camel enclosure.
There were five or six of them and they came right over to the fence and allowed us to stroke them. They were too big for peanuts, so we all started taking handfuls of leaves off a hedge across the path and feeding them to the camels until we had the hedge half stripped. It was, only at this point, when we wondered if it was ok for camels to eat these leaves as they were normally out of their reach. We suddenly had visions of five dead camels with their legs in the air after we left. As we seemed to be the only visitors it wouldn’t be hard to find the culprits, so we swiftly moved on.
After a while we came to an enclosure with Antelope and Emu’s and, as we walked along, we noticed a couple of large, green speckled, egg shaped objects lying near the fence. Those can’t be eggs, we all thought, as they are way too big and so we gathered around to discuss what they might be. One was very close to the fence, so I slipped my fingers through to feel it and it felt very hard and heavy. I rolled it closer to the fence and, only being able to get two fingers of each hand through, passed it up the inside of the fence, hand to hand, hoping to get it at the top and analyze it a bit further. Half way up I dropped it…………… “Oops. It was an egg!” We moved swiftly on.
We continued our tour and did the petting village and the crocodiles etc etc. We were wandering around when we finally saw some other visitors; 2 black girls and 2 black guys. Now, you may wonder why I mention colour because anyone who knows me knows I am no racist or bigot. One of my daughters is married to a black, Sri Lankan, Hindu, another to an off white, Brazilian tribesman and the third to very pale, English Catholic and I love them all (even the English man) so I am certainly tolerant.
The thing is, in Spain, black folk fall into 2 categories; the first “Looky Looky” men and these ones had no watches up and down their arms and, the second, pickpockets and we certainly had pockets! They were, quite obviously, the world’s worst pickpockets as operating in a large crowd is a prerequisite of that profession and we made up the entire paltry crowd in the zoo. But still, the girls clutched their handbags closer and, being in a zoo, I struck an Alpha male pose indicating I would protect my flock.
The time for the elephant show came and, together with our 4 stalkers, we made our way around and attempted, as best we could, to fill the 500 seater stands with them sitting right behind us in the middle of the seating area. It was a bit surreal as the staff did the show as if the stands were full, waving at empty seats and getting the elephant to do tricks towards a nonexistent audience. They had a routine and they were gonna stick to it. They didn’t acknowledge our little group individually in any way and I think they actually would have done the show if no one had been there at all, and probably wouldn’t have noticed.
There was a gap of about ½ hr before the Sea lion show so we went on the train ride around the zoo, accompanied by our faithful pickpockets, and were able to confirm we were, indeed, the only visitors. On the way around we noticed all the camels were now lying down sleepily and one of the Emu’s was giving an Antelope a good kicking, probably for breaking its egg. We said nothing and looked the other way.
The Sea lion stadium was even bigger than the elephant’s and would have held at least a thousand spectators. Yet again, our little group of nine sat in the middle, at the front, and hoped for a special show just for us. Again, in true Spanish style, they simply went through the motions of showing to a full house and ignored the fact there was only us. It was, to be fair, a brilliant show with some very clever animals but this inability to adapt to the lack of crowd situation was starting to piss me off. At one point the trainer wanted us all to clap in time to the music which we, of course, did. (Alena as always bringing her hands together as we take ours apart. The ‘lone clapper’) He then raised his hands and clapped towards the empty parts of the stands trying to get all the folk who weren’t there to join in. Open your eyes man!!!!
Eventually, show over, we made our way toward the exit trailed, as always, by our new companions. I felt a bit sorry for them and actually thought of hanging a 20 Euro note out my back pocket for them to nick just to make their day worth while, but then thought, nah.
The photography girl then went through her standard routine to try and get us all to buy 7 Euro photographs of ourselves but we declined and the pickpockets nicked her camera; so up hers!
And so we left the zoo and made our way to the airport; our weekend in chilly Spain at an end. It was a laugh but need to get home for a rest………………………….
We woke on Monday, after a refreshing nights sleep, ready for our last day in a sub zero Spain. We had refused to let the cold get to us and the plans for the day involved a trip to the shops (What kind of holiday would it be if Alena didn’t get shopping?) and then a trip to Alicante zoo/Safari park or whatever.
The shopping was less than memorable, at least for me, and we returned to the house to collect our bits and pieces as we were going straight to the airport after our tour of the animal Park.
We followed Charleen in our car, desperately trying to use up some fuel and, with Robyn on the Sat Nav, we took a rather elongated route which pleased me as it clocked up a few extra miles.
We arrived to an empty car park and approached the ticket desk with a young lady sitting inside. She looked around in a “Who’s next?” sort of way and, after checking over our shoulders to ensure that we were, indeed, the only people there, we suggested that would probably be us. She took a quite unbelievable amount of time, even for a Spaniard, to issue our tickets and explain when all the shows etc would be on. We could only thank God that there weren’t three people in the queue in front of us or we would not have gained entry before closing time!
Just around the corner from the ticket desk was a second girl who was watching the proceedings and, when we eventually approached her, she put her hand up to stop us in case we were trying to sneak in with the nonexistent crowd. She then waved us forward to take our turn in her nonexistent queue. She lined us up to take a family photo; constantly checking around her to be sure she didn’t miss any of the nonexistent people coming in behind us!
We were eventually allowed to proceed and, bag of peanuts in hand, off we went. Now to be fair, it wasn’t a bad zoo. Quite touchy feely and you could get up close to a lot of the animals and, if they were in the mood to let you, give them a stroke. The lions and tigers were cool and the chimp had the biggest reddest ass I have ever seen and soon we came upon the camel enclosure.
There were five or six of them and they came right over to the fence and allowed us to stroke them. They were too big for peanuts, so we all started taking handfuls of leaves off a hedge across the path and feeding them to the camels until we had the hedge half stripped. It was, only at this point, when we wondered if it was ok for camels to eat these leaves as they were normally out of their reach. We suddenly had visions of five dead camels with their legs in the air after we left. As we seemed to be the only visitors it wouldn’t be hard to find the culprits, so we swiftly moved on.
After a while we came to an enclosure with Antelope and Emu’s and, as we walked along, we noticed a couple of large, green speckled, egg shaped objects lying near the fence. Those can’t be eggs, we all thought, as they are way too big and so we gathered around to discuss what they might be. One was very close to the fence, so I slipped my fingers through to feel it and it felt very hard and heavy. I rolled it closer to the fence and, only being able to get two fingers of each hand through, passed it up the inside of the fence, hand to hand, hoping to get it at the top and analyze it a bit further. Half way up I dropped it…………… “Oops. It was an egg!” We moved swiftly on.
We continued our tour and did the petting village and the crocodiles etc etc. We were wandering around when we finally saw some other visitors; 2 black girls and 2 black guys. Now, you may wonder why I mention colour because anyone who knows me knows I am no racist or bigot. One of my daughters is married to a black, Sri Lankan, Hindu, another to an off white, Brazilian tribesman and the third to very pale, English Catholic and I love them all (even the English man) so I am certainly tolerant.
The thing is, in Spain, black folk fall into 2 categories; the first “Looky Looky” men and these ones had no watches up and down their arms and, the second, pickpockets and we certainly had pockets! They were, quite obviously, the world’s worst pickpockets as operating in a large crowd is a prerequisite of that profession and we made up the entire paltry crowd in the zoo. But still, the girls clutched their handbags closer and, being in a zoo, I struck an Alpha male pose indicating I would protect my flock.
The time for the elephant show came and, together with our 4 stalkers, we made our way around and attempted, as best we could, to fill the 500 seater stands with them sitting right behind us in the middle of the seating area. It was a bit surreal as the staff did the show as if the stands were full, waving at empty seats and getting the elephant to do tricks towards a nonexistent audience. They had a routine and they were gonna stick to it. They didn’t acknowledge our little group individually in any way and I think they actually would have done the show if no one had been there at all, and probably wouldn’t have noticed.
There was a gap of about ½ hr before the Sea lion show so we went on the train ride around the zoo, accompanied by our faithful pickpockets, and were able to confirm we were, indeed, the only visitors. On the way around we noticed all the camels were now lying down sleepily and one of the Emu’s was giving an Antelope a good kicking, probably for breaking its egg. We said nothing and looked the other way.
The Sea lion stadium was even bigger than the elephant’s and would have held at least a thousand spectators. Yet again, our little group of nine sat in the middle, at the front, and hoped for a special show just for us. Again, in true Spanish style, they simply went through the motions of showing to a full house and ignored the fact there was only us. It was, to be fair, a brilliant show with some very clever animals but this inability to adapt to the lack of crowd situation was starting to piss me off. At one point the trainer wanted us all to clap in time to the music which we, of course, did. (Alena as always bringing her hands together as we take ours apart. The ‘lone clapper’) He then raised his hands and clapped towards the empty parts of the stands trying to get all the folk who weren’t there to join in. Open your eyes man!!!!
Eventually, show over, we made our way toward the exit trailed, as always, by our new companions. I felt a bit sorry for them and actually thought of hanging a 20 Euro note out my back pocket for them to nick just to make their day worth while, but then thought, nah.
The photography girl then went through her standard routine to try and get us all to buy 7 Euro photographs of ourselves but we declined and the pickpockets nicked her camera; so up hers!
And so we left the zoo and made our way to the airport; our weekend in chilly Spain at an end. It was a laugh but need to get home for a rest………………………….
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