Sunday 6 May 2012

New Year Diet Days 2 and 3


10 January 2012

Well day two of the diet and all is well so far.  Reckon I must have lost a couple of pounds yesterday alone and this shouldn’t take long.

Felt a bit down yesterday after the loss of my love the Tunnocks Teacake.  It had been a short but intense relationship and while I had hoped it would last as late as lunch time I succumbed to temptation and was overcome by passion and desire by 11am and she was lost from my life forever.

The rest of the day was a bit of a haze wracked with guilt and thoughts of what could have been.  I felt lost and alone and the future seemed to be an empty hollow place.  The usual thoughts flooded my mind and as always I was haunted by all the ‘what ifs’ and the deep feelings of blame and self-loathing.

Anyhow today I woke and felt that life goes on and while some of you might call me fickle I have already struck up a new relationship with another Teacake which is already as deep and meaningful as the one I lost and we are sitting staring at each other as I speak. 

Sadly I have come to the realisation that none of these relationships are going to be long term and I will simply make the most of them while they last. 

In some ways I’m starting to feel like a serial killer as I already have 22 potential victims lined up in the cupboard but the voices in my head are telling me to do it so I have no choice.

One thing is for sure they’ll never find the bodies..........................

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11 January 2012

Day three of the diet and things have taken a turn for the worst.

Working in the apartment block today and as me and my fellow Concierges (That’s a job with a French name) have been very good boys our tenants have lavished many gifts upon us. The vast majority of these are biscuits and most of those smothered in chocolate.

I have already been unfaithful to today’s Teacake twice and am yet again riddled with guilt.

Maybe a chocolate finger will make me feel better……………….

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