1 October 2011
Ok morning all. Today’s status is slightly different. Yesterday I was the ‘Relief’ Concierge at Head Office (that’s a person who stands in for an absent Concierge not a person who relieves one who is present) and today I am the fully fledged Concierge at my apartment block which I like to refer to as my kingdom. I have two assistants here, protégés really, and I am slowly training them and passing on my knowledge and wisdom in the art of telling Tenants “You can’t f***ing park there”. It’s quite sweet really when you see them sitting crossed legged and wide eyed on the floor listening in awe to my many Concierging tales.
One of them, protégée 1, rang me yesterday with a tale of his own. It seems he was showing a nice couple from Bangor around a vacant apartment and they were very impressed. As they returned to the office a Polish resident was returning from his morning constitutional and was, as usual, completely paralytic. He was bouncing off the walls and staggered up to our visitors did a big bald headed toothless grin and mumbled “Hello”. He then turned and promptly fell up the stairs. He crawled away on his hands and knees muttering what we presume were Polish swear words. Our prospective tenants and protégée 1 simply looked at each other and nodded. No words were needed and they left. Anyone need a room?
Just on the subject of our drunken Polack he is presently practising for the competition of “How many Poles can you fit in a 1 Bed Apartment”. Our best estimate to date is 12 although it’s difficult to be sure as they all look alike to me.
Oh yes before I go a rather embarrassing thing happened to me this morning. I got up out of bed, naked, to go to the loo and as I got to the landing I sensed something was different. I suddenly remembered Ross was back for the weekend and his new girl Katie had stayed overnight and something just told me not to just rush into the bathroom. The door was across but not fully closed and I pushed it with my finger and peeked around to see the aforementioned young lady just standing up. She was clothed and only my head was visible so a quick apology and retreat to the bedroom, no damage done. I pushed my door across and waited to hear her returning to her room thanking my lucky stars I hadn’t just burst in. As I heard her exiting the bathroom, Riley, our newest dog decided to come back into our bedroom opening our door wide as she did so. So there I was standing hand on hip and framed in the doorway being unveiled like the first prize in “The Price is Right”. Time stood still as we stared at each other and my mind frantically sought the best course of action and for some reason chose simply to smile and say “Good morning”. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I now think I probably should have covered my bits.
One of them, protégée 1, rang me yesterday with a tale of his own. It seems he was showing a nice couple from Bangor around a vacant apartment and they were very impressed. As they returned to the office a Polish resident was returning from his morning constitutional and was, as usual, completely paralytic. He was bouncing off the walls and staggered up to our visitors did a big bald headed toothless grin and mumbled “Hello”. He then turned and promptly fell up the stairs. He crawled away on his hands and knees muttering what we presume were Polish swear words. Our prospective tenants and protégée 1 simply looked at each other and nodded. No words were needed and they left. Anyone need a room?
Just on the subject of our drunken Polack he is presently practising for the competition of “How many Poles can you fit in a 1 Bed Apartment”. Our best estimate to date is 12 although it’s difficult to be sure as they all look alike to me.
Oh yes before I go a rather embarrassing thing happened to me this morning. I got up out of bed, naked, to go to the loo and as I got to the landing I sensed something was different. I suddenly remembered Ross was back for the weekend and his new girl Katie had stayed overnight and something just told me not to just rush into the bathroom. The door was across but not fully closed and I pushed it with my finger and peeked around to see the aforementioned young lady just standing up. She was clothed and only my head was visible so a quick apology and retreat to the bedroom, no damage done. I pushed my door across and waited to hear her returning to her room thanking my lucky stars I hadn’t just burst in. As I heard her exiting the bathroom, Riley, our newest dog decided to come back into our bedroom opening our door wide as she did so. So there I was standing hand on hip and framed in the doorway being unveiled like the first prize in “The Price is Right”. Time stood still as we stared at each other and my mind frantically sought the best course of action and for some reason chose simply to smile and say “Good morning”. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I now think I probably should have covered my bits.
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