Tuesday 10 April 2012

Day 6 of No Chewies


15 November 2011

Day 6 of the stopping chewing attempt and it isn’t as easy as it first looked.  Mind is confused by the fact I am still chewing something, courtesy of ’Wrigleys’, but for some reason it is not getting its hit of nicotine.  As a result it is getting its own back by making me irritable, tired and unable to concentrate hence the loss of my ‘Mojo’ and lack of statuses.  Anyhow I am on the fight back and making a valiant effort to concentrate on something for longer than 30 secs.

Al too, has now given up and only being on day three is struggling a bit. Yesterday at work was bad for her and as usual she took it out on the nearest available thing and that was her computer. 

You have to remember that computers are human too and when Al returned to hers after a short break and clicked a button expecting an immediate response all hell broke loose when she didn’t get it.

To be fair to the computer its mind was elsewhere and was thinking of the new Pentium 3 processor when this unexpected click came through but it immediately tried to remedy the situation.
Computer: “Shit did anyone catch what that click was about”
Keyboard: “Nope.  Was having a doze”
Mouse: “It was a left click but I wasn’t paying attention either was dreaming of being wireless”
Keyboard: “Aw yea me to how cool would that be”
Computer: “Never mind that you twats.  She’s clicked something so we have to do something”
Keyboard: “Relax.  It’s only a click.  If nothing happens she’ll do it again.  Stop panicking”

All this happened at computer speeds of course and Al was waiting for maybe 2 seconds for a response to her click.  When none came she raised both her fists and brought then down on the keyboard, who to be fair was pretty much innocent in all of this, and smashed him into the desk breaking off both his back legs.

Keyboard: “Bloody hell!!  Start panicking do something.  Open something she’s gonna kill me”
Mouse: “She’s lost it.  We’re all gonna die.  If only I was wireless I could run away”
Computer: “Ok I’m going to open Excel.  It’s a long shot but we’ve got to try”
Mouse: “No any stop!  There’s an Excel running go for Word.”
Keyboard: “Do something quick she is raising her hands again”
Computer: “Excel?  Word?  Excel?  Word?  Oh my God keyboard's life depends on this. Ok here goes…….

Al’s fists were plummeting down towards the keyboard when suddenly Word opened and she stopped just in time.

She stared at the screen. Her eyes widened and she screamed “Bastard.  I wanted Excel” and smashed the keyboard to bits.

Computer: “Oops!!”

Anyway I left Al to work this morning and en route we stopped at Sainsburys and she came out with THREE carrier bags of anti-chewing devices ranging from fruit to Nicotine patches. I wonder which one will become her new addiction.

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